Cease to resist, giving my goodbye drive my car into the ocean you'll think I'm dead, but I sail away on a wave of mutilation.

Holy zombie Jesus. Two posts in one night? It's a miracle. Praise the lord and all that. So two twenty in the morning, still awake, trying to be me without anyone else. Thinking about walking home, but not too keen because there's a high chance the door will be locked and it's raining a lot.
I feel like um, creating something. I feel like inspiring myself to find something new out. To ponder myself into a new state of wonderment. I feel like feeling. You know what blows my mind. When I cut all the sad away and there's nothing but happy, I feel like a little bit of life disappears. I think the truth is sometimes I like feeling like crap. It gives me a reason to be, a reason to speak. Otherwise I feel like nothing is worth saying anything about. In all truth happiness doesn't fill me like sadness does. It doesn't take everything away, erase every other thought in my head and create the same vortex in my brain that sadness does. I'm scared that I have become accustomed to feeling bad and now i can't be properly.
Perhaps sad is my happy. I don't know anymore if I can define my own sadness as a bad thing. When I am my happiest. I have just been sad. Brains are fucked up and I want a cigarette.