I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship

I'm in the hood, as per usual, wondering why I sit and watch tv all night and do nothing all day. The need to get my shit together is calling.
Thisweekend I should be house sitting in moana. Where is moana you wonder? Me too. I winder why. I wonder why a lot as of late. Actually that's a lie, I'm thinking less and less as I float along on this road we call life. Think I like not thinking. Contradictory I know, but thats how I roll.
I feel that I am wasting my time. Whilst life is a joy and all that, I am becoming less and less enthusiasts the more I think of doing things. Sometimes I wonder, more as of late, how I am going to end up. Now is the future for me, but perhaps I am not being proactive enough. It's old, no one wants to hear about the struggles in the life of a young lazy fuck, but I find that it is all that I really think of. Sometimes I think about turning thirty and murdering someone so I can go to jail an not have to make any more choices but what is made for me by whoever controls people in there. Perhaps have some fun with it and become a mad drug lord and murder people and things.
I'll be honest, in this situation I am mildly worried Because I am actually enthusiastic about the idea.
My brain sometimes makes me want to bury my head in the sand.
I don't know.
I really dont know