im totally glad i dipped my pen in your ink

fuck im feeling good. this always happens at one in the morning. i feel like jesus, right after he took his rest on the seventh day.
I feel like cheese supreme doritoes.
i feel like a hunk of butter melting over a big old pile of flapjacks. im loving it, much like mcdonalds.
im loving the prospect of another day at work tomorrow, genuinely. im looking forwards to seeing my best friends, and not finding my camera. finally, i've worked out what it takes. it takes being alone, being happy and realising how to let go. of course this will all go out the window when i see him tomorrow, but that's all right, i feel happy for now, which is super exciting.

GO FOLLOW SOMEONE ELSES LEAD.
i am going to kill life. im going to kill everything, but in the best way.
i cant wait till i achieve long hair again, and remember how to smile properly.
Its going to be amazing. everything going to get better and suddenly im going to to be all right again.
its really exciting.
i think i love myself more than i did before.
man im a slut. hahahahahahah
fat.
easy come, easy go, thats the way im going to live. its going to be heroic.

i gave justin a blood nose accidentally at work tonight, which was pretty grim. cracked him on the head with my elbow. man i need to lay off the drugs.
WOOOOOT!
reowr, black and blue, beat me till im numb.
you smile at my face then rip the breaks out my car.
shotgun going through the pain, dying for you, even though you wouldnt do the same for me. thats all right, because i think you're worth more than me.

i miss drinking scotch in the beanbags because we were too scared to sit in your dads chair.
i don't miss the ornamental candle sticks though. that hurt like a bitch.

its pretty radical, that im not afraid anymore.
i can sit outside in the dark and finish a smoke without wondering where the rabid wolves are.
honestly, i dont give a damn.
i shut you down and now you're gone. gone from my head, gone from my heart, gone from my life. i love it. i dont miss you, i never will, you ruined the best years of my life, andi hope you hear this, just quietly, and live with it forever.
coz you fucked my shit up bitch. you fucked it up good.

in fact lets be honest, we were awesome. we were the best of the best, and we fucking ruled the pixies of the world. we ruled the court. we basically just ruled.
i fucking loved the way i was with you. you brought the best out. you said fuck the world, and i joined in.
maybe i was a follower with you, but i was the best fucking follower ever.
much love.