i never really gave up on breaking out of this two star town

so i just wanted to say, that i would turn lesbian for emily or naomi from skins at ANY time.
thats it on that note.
i was thinking just before, about marriage.
i can't even comprehend spending the rest of my life with one person. its scary, lonely thought, but i mean, one person, until you die. it scares me, how you would have to feel to let that happen. its truly a mind blowing concept.
people change, and what if the person you loved changes into someone you hate?
i know, divorce, but if you don't have to put yourself through all that pain.
it sounds selfish and mean, but i would rather put someone else through a lot of pain, and suffer a little myself, than let them leave me.

but then, i guess im part of the cowardly group of people in the world. except i don't think of it as cowardly. i'm protecting myself.
yes, one ought to embrace the pain and make it a part of themselves, i've said that a million times, but everyone knows that taking your own advice is the hardest thing you can do. i know i'm right, that suffering is what makes us who we are, but if we can avoid it, and still be a human being, why not?
there's a thin line between being unapproachable and being careful. i know im not the first one.

then, after i though that daunting thought about marriage, i thought about eternity.
another thing that is much too difficult to comprehend.
its like trying to imagine nothingness. its not possible.
there is no end to eternity.
that scares me. sometimes i wonder what happens to the universe when we're all gone. all humans and animals... it would all just keep going.
sunsets with no one to see them, thunder with no one to hear it, and rain with nothing to feel it.
the idea is pretty depressing. all these amazing things, just passing by with no one to appreciate it.
even now not enough people enjoy everything.
i think everyone should have to stay up all night and watch a sunrise. it ought to be mandatory before you can get your SACE or something.
school teaches us how to do maths, or science, achieve what we want to achieve, and it matures us, but there's almost nothing that teaches people to see what's actually around them. so many people miss out on how fucking amazing the world is.
but that's just my opinion.