I am the night

growing old is such a hard notion to fathom. i can't think of what i will be like in twenty years. i cant imagine looking back on my younger days. i cant imagine having children, or a family, or what the world will be like. none of us ever really understand how much things are going to change.
its amazing how gradually a person can turn from an insane partier to a responsible adult. you dont see it happening until it's done, and then you feel as though you dont really know that person anymore.
its worse when someone stays in a rut. the sort of person who takes three years to achieve one tiny thing. that is sort of depressing. those people are the people that one should avoid if one is trying to achieve something in life. its amazing how people can take you down with them if they hold on tight enough. or if you dont struggle enough.
i guess i want to strive to stay away from people like this. i want to be something more than just an average person. theres a study that shows, that after eighty years, you are forgotten. in eighty years, all the people i was once friends with, will have forgotten me, and i them.
i dont want to be forgotten, i want to be remembered, even if it isnt for something as amazing as the theory of evolution, i want to be remembered after im gone. something of me wants to remain.
i dont know, its all wonderful. in another place or something.
i want to travel at the moment. all i can think about is how huge the world is and all the amazing things that ninety percent of people aren't going to see just because a car, or a mobile phone is more important to them. i want to go see the ancient mayan cities and the pyramids, the grand canyon, mount everest and mont blanc. i want to ski in aspen and see the northern lights in finland, so when i am old, i can remember all the amazing things i have seen and done, instead of just looking back and realising i stayed in just one place for my whole life. i dont know, resistance is futile.