the beat of your blood has crystalised

mew, so i saw Paul today, and now i feel incredibly uninspired.
I love how some people change for the worse. i hadn't noticed until earlier today that people have changed. i hope it isn't my fault because it's not necessarily a good change. i think confidence is definitely necessary but there comes a point when being blunt actually becomes being rude and mean, and i don't think we realize how deep it can really cut when we are snide and rude to people, even if we're just kidding around.
It's like sometimes, he calls me a bitch and i know it isn't all just kidding around. i can tell because he says it in this snide manner, and i know that it is meant to hurt me at some level.
and there is always that sort of sinking feel when someone says something like that to me, because i know that i have to laugh it off, even though it makes me feel sort of offended and awkward around the person.
because it is a joke in the end, but it hurts and they might not get it, because no one tells them.
i'm not trying to be a victim, i can't be, i have had my fair share of times when i do that to other people, but like, at least i have the guts to say sorry because i have a glimmer of understanding. it sort of makes me really angry when people are so nonchalant like that.
another thing that pisses me off is when people jump down my throat for being 'antisocial'.
last night i went around to a friends place and she complained at me because i was apparently 'always on my phone'.
i mean, what a hypocrite. i think i may have just been on my phone for five minutes when she said it, because i was watching a movie on youtube that someone had said was funny. she is literally, so annoying sometimes. it's moments like those that i wonder why the spaceman balls i am friends with idiots like that.
i actually hate a lot of my friends, which is depressing, and i really want to go to sleep at the moment, but alas, i want some dinner first.
sad face.