I'm basking in the debatable glory of Linkin Park's new album and watching some ridiculous show that well... it makes me feel like stabbing myself in the eye with a needle. I have photography tomorrow. it makes my insides churn with hatred.
I dont't know why but I have never been able to deal with art subjects in which I can't make personal changes to my work. it's not creative if it's a structured working plan. creativity can't be forced and I feel like forcing is the only thing that they can fathom.
it's a miracle. it pisses me offf no end.
it makes my head hurt just thinking about it. I've eaten about a ton of concentrated sugar tonight, and while I usually go a bit psychotic with that much I feel lazy and depressed right now, which to be completely honest, is all I wanted for Christmas. im definitely way less psyched for Xavier's birthday this weekend than I expected I would be. for some reason the prospect of seeing certain people is killing my soul. I don't think I'm down with a whole evening of being given the cold shoulder.
in other, way less fascinating news, certain people are stupid. me for one. general life is getting the better of me. I always feel anxious and I'm getting paranoid over the tiniest things. and i'm like, permanently tired. I've been going to sleep at seven for the last three nights and when I wake up, I have troubl convincing myself that my dreams were just dreams. I woke up at four thirty this morning wondering if I had even been to sleep.
it sucks even more because my dreams are ten times better than reality so I start each day with a little cloud of dissatisfaction over my head. it's difficult to believe that it could be a change in weather doing this to me but for now that's what it's about.
being happy right now is like going to he'll and building a snowman. fucking ridiculous.
everything seems to be unbelievably repetitive. school is foul, I hate my teachers and every time I even attempt to achieve something my whole state of mind goes downhill. I say no to pushing through. it's my turn to wallow in depression.
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