there's something terrible, yet exciting, about the way someone or something can occupy your mind completely. it's sort of scary, that the human mind can obsess over things until nothing has meaning anymore.
I've checked my Facebook every five minutes for the last four office hours, and I don't even know what I'm expecting, but I know what I wan to see.
I've had this feeling the last few days that everything has changed and I've missed it happening, now I'm left in the background wondering what the fuck is going on while everyone else moves forward. I want the same things I have always wanted, but I don't know what anyone else wants anymore. it's so confusing, I can hardly bear it. I'm listening to depressing songs and wondering where I belong, and I'm feeling like a little piece of nothing on the face of the earth. mum always says to me that everything I put into myself, all the music, the thoughts I have, they're gking to burst out eventually. but it's all been whirling around for so long, I am not even sure what is happening anymore. as I said, falling behind.
I don't want to get old. I already feel like life is just he blink of an eye. sixteen years feels like nothing now, and I know I have so much more to go, it's daunting.
it sounds very cliched but I feel like the blood has frozen in my veins. i feel like feeling but it's just a big old pit in the stomach again. what a night.
muted is how I feel. muted and foolish.
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